The Transformative Power of Travel

Especially in moments of transition

I remember the first solo trip that changed my life.

It was my overseas student exchange trip to Portugal and it was something I had been looking forward to since the moment I enrolled in university, 2.5 years prior.

In fact, it was one of the deciding factors in the university I chose - they were offering me a full scholarship, which included one semester abroad at a partner university of my choice.

Looking back, I had no clue what I was doing. I remember filling out the application forms for different partner universities, not really caring where I was going.

To me, simply going was more important than where.

It might have been a form of escapism at that time, but there’s no denying that it changed my life.

the journey is just as (if not more) important as the destination

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Up to that point at the tender age of 21, I’d followed the trajectory laid out for me by society, and enforced by my parents.

• As a kid, I studied really hard to excel at school.

• I got into a top secondary school and got straight As at the ‘A’ Levels (equivalent of high school).

• I performed well in extracurricular activities and won awards for student leadership and other such accolades.

• My stellar academic and extracurricular record helped me get a place in a prestigious scholarship program at my university.

• I was enrolled in a double degree program at my university.

You see, my parents had expectations for me and I dutifully lived up to all of them.

Nobody really asked me what I wanted to do or what interests I had.

For a long time, I never really thought of myself as someone with interests or hobbies.

Everyone and their aunt had an opinion about how I should live my life, and I trusted them. I listened to everyone’s advice, did what everyone else thought was best for me, and never really asked myself what I wanted to do.

The weight of their expectations had always sat heavy on my shoulders.

I was afraid to disappoint, afraid to fail, afraid to fuck everything up. I lived a lot of my life up to that point worried and afraid about not being or doing enough.

Yet, at the back of my mind, there was always that niggling feeling that something wasn’t quite right - that this wasn’t the path I was meant to tread.

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I always harbored desires to go abroad - maybe it was The Naughtiest Girl novel series I grew up reading that romanticized boarding school, or the Enid Blyton books that inspired in me a sense of adventure, or the million other books that I devoured in an attempt to transport myself… elsewhere, anywhere but here.

I remember when I was 11, my school organized an immersion trip to Japan. 8 of the best and brightest students were selected to represent the school on this 10-day trip, and I was one of them. I was so excited to share the news with my parents when I got home from school that day - only to be flat-out-rejected. I couldn’t go.

At 15, there was an extended field trip to London and Paris for the literature students as part of the curriculum. I brought home the application form to ask my parents if I could go - only to be flat-out rejected. I couldn’t go.

At 18, I attended a university fair and walked away with an armful of colorful brochures and a head full of dreams. My heart was set on Stanford University and when I got home, I asked my parents if I could apply - only to be flat-out-rejected. I couldn’t go. This time, I asked one of my teachers at school to advocate for me, and even my aunt to intervene on my behalf to speak to my parents - but the answer was the same.

I held on to the resentment that I could probably have gotten into Stanford with my final grades if only I had been allowed to apply for a very long time.

Maybe they always tried to clip my wings so I wouldn’t fly too far away from the nest.

But eventually, they had to let go.

And so, finally, at 21, I went on that exchange program that changed my life.

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Why is travel, particularly solo travel, so powerful?

For me, a big part of it was getting away from those expectations everyone else had for me.

When I was in Portugal, I felt free to “re-create” myself. I felt at liberty to explore my interests and my desires. I felt uninhibited to do and be myself.

There wasn’t the pressure to conform to my parents’ expectations of me - to be a high-performing student, to do really well in my classes (in fact, I failed one of the classes I took on exchange), to fit neatly into the box they had created for me of “filial, obedient, good daughter”.

So I felt I could, for the first time in my life, do what I wanted to do.

I wanted to meet new people - I did. I stayed in a shared apartment with a guy from Brazil, one from France, a girl from China, and one from Canada. I had friends from Germany, Hungary, Finland, the US, Italy, Spain, and many other places.

I wanted to party all night - I did. All the time. I can’t even count the number of times I went from the club to my apartment to shower and straight to my first class of the day.

I wanted to travel and see all of Europe - I did. After my semester ended, I backpacked through Europe for a month. I visited friends I had made during my semester and Couchsurfed my way across Europe making many other new friends.

It was an incredible experience to meet so many people from all walks of life, to experience different cultures through interacting with them, and most importantly to reconnect with myself, perhaps for the first time.

Now, that’s not to say that it was all sparkles and fairydust.

I remember spending those first winter days when I arrived in Lisbon feeling kinda miserable. It was colder than I had ever experienced, my apartment had no heating, and I didn’t know a soul. I didn’t speak any Portuguese, and I felt like my new apartment-mates didn’t like me.

I won’t deny that I cried in my apartment (and sometimes in public bathrooms or in the park) multiple times during the course of being abroad.

It was fucking hard.

But I persevered.

I made friends, winter turned to spring, and I learned enough Portuguese to get by.

The fog always lifted. Things always got better.

And on the other side, I walked out with my self-trust a little stronger. My self-confidence a little higher. My belief that I would always be okay because I have done hard things a little more unshakable.

And that’s another part of why travel is such a powerful experience.

Because when you’re in a foreign place with nobody to depend on but yourself, you do what needs to be done and you get shit done. You take care of yourself. You create the best experience you can for yourself. You get into trouble and you get yourself out.

As much as people “back home’ had expectations for what I could and should do with my life, they also were quick to tell me what I couldn’t and shouldn’t do.

You can’t travel alone, it’s unsafe.

You shouldn’t go partying, it’s bad for you.

You can’t learn to speak a new language, it’s too hard.

And we’re exposed to so many of these messages that we start believing them.

Especially as women - society is quick to put us into a safe and padded, locked box to constrain us and “keep us safe” and “protect us” because we’re “fragile”.

But we’re not. You’re not. You are POWERFUL beyond measure and your power frightens them so they would rather keep you in your box than let you fly free.

But what if you did it anyway?

What if you traveled?

What if you had amazing experiences?

What if you had difficult and challenging experiences but figured out a way through them and came out on the other side?

How would you feel then?

Who would you be then?

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Travel is a powerful experience.

Especially in moments of transition.

We often define ourselves in terms of the people and things closest to us.

I’m Taylor’s spouse. I’m Jordan’s parent. I’m an accountant. I’m Riley’s partner. I’m a lawyer.

When big life transitions happen, that can be taken away from us. Divorce, separation, breakup, empty nest-hood, career change, loss, or something else.

Who am I if I’m not longer Taylor’s spouse?

Who am I now that Jordan’s gone off to college?

Who am I now that I’ve been laid off from my 20-year career as an accountant.?

Who am I now that Riley’s gone?

Who am I now that my law firm has closed down?

When your entire life has been upended - when the identities you cling to and use as a facade for your true inner self are stripped away - who are you?

Travel can help you reconnect with that inner self, with those deep desires, with those unspoken truths, and what makes you, you.

Travel can transform your life, if you are ready for it. If you allow it.

If you are ready to embark on the journey of your lifetime that will change everything, but don’t know where to get started and want some support along the journey, let’s chat.

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